Partners can feel understandably overwhelmed about the labour and birth process. It can feel unknown and is something that can’t be imagined. We all have seen the typical fear-mongering depictions of birth: It is always an emergency. It is always fast and dramatic. The woman is hysterical and the baby is close to dying. Or the waters rupture and it is an emergency and the woman is screaming at the partner. We see these representations of birth in films and tv programs.
Birth is portrayed as scary but in reality, it is not an emergency. Birth is normal. Understanding how it looks and what it means helps to reprogram these thoughts and conclusions we have about birth.
A healthy baby and mom are what we all want. But it is far from everything. What does she want, and what do you both want. Read, and learn. Empower yourself with knowledge because this is the most important thing you will ever do. And partners, there is so much you can do. The normalization is birth is key, and women trusting in their bodies is absolutely key.
Your job also involves educating yourself so you can both remove the fear that is caused by our societal representations. Seek out the good information, and look at this list of books I created to get you started. Take a good prenatal class. Read and listen.
and do these things. You got this:
educate
It is absolute and can change the entire experience. Learn how labour works so you can understand the process and what support looks like at different stages. And so you can remind her and normalize the birthing process. Advocate for your birthing choices, take a minute to talk with one another.
Anything that is not included in your birthing choices should involved informed consent. Informed consent requires you have things explained to you and you choose to consent or not consent. Most things are not urgent enough that you aren’t able to take a moment to talk with your team (ideally you have a doula, but with each other).
beauty in the birth space
what do mammals need
warmth
dim lights
music
quiet
essential oils (a spritzer for the birth space
flowers
Make your home look beautiful. Your time at home in early labour is also important. Create a nest where she feels safe and loved. Have foods and snacks out. Enjoy these last hours together in this way.
stay calm
Stay close and protect the birth space. If you feel fear, it will shift the energy. She needs you to stay solid.
Expect emotions to come, both from her but also for you. Emotions are real and authentic and you don’t need to fix anything. Birth is normal and birth works. Let this that be an opportunity to connect and help her feel calm.
comfort measures
- Be present and connect with her continuously.
- Use movement and position changes (the toilet). Every position opens the pelvis in a different way to help babe change position and move further down.
- A shower or a bath is soothing and helps her to relax. It is a big sensory hug.
- Massage
- Use a Tens machine. Women love this. It helps to distract, and block nerves, and also releases endorphins.
- Counter pressure and hip squeezes. Physical support helps as baby comes down but also allows to you to help her feel supported in the contractions.
- Use a cold cloth on her face. Wash it over her face and it can help her to feel refreshed.
- Tooth brushing. This is a great way to move her over to walking to a new position. Standing and leaning and brushing your teeth is always refreshing.
- Rock and sway with her. Moving hips and swaying helps with opening and also relaxing the pelvic floor
- Labour ball. This is a good one. You can use this in a few different ways: Swaying, bouncing, figure eights
use birth affirmations
“You are doing such good work”
“We will meet our baby soon”
“I can see how powerful those surges are”
“You are so strong”
“I’m proud of you”
“You are safe. I’m right here”
“I’ve got you”
“Squeeze my hand”
“Lets breathe together”
nutritional support
water and electrolytes
small accessible protein and sugars
honey sticks
take care of your needs
Eat and drink
Nap if she is able to nap
Protect your back. Squat or get on bed for back or hip pressure. Steady yourself on a stool and position yourself in ways that protect your body.
Taking care of you is important. She needs you and you are together in this. Go partners
